Monthly Archives: April 2022

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mother nature's little children

It’s the simple things…

Category:Animal Lover,Blogging,Mother Nature,Nature Lover Tags : 

My Caterpillar Story

the American Dagger Moth Acronicta americana

Acronicta americana American Dagger Moth
Acronicta americana
“does this concrete make me look fat”

Ok. So jokes on me. Yesterday I was outside fretting about a caterpillar 🐛 lying helplessly vulnerable on the cold barren concrete step. It’s common knowledge by now that I’m a hopeless romantic when it comes to Mother Nature and all her little creatures.

My 1st attempt at “rescuing” her from potential predators was to carefully place her in a flower pot while balancing her furry little body on a thin slab of stone. This, however, was not very successful as you can see by her hasty escape. But still being fully committed to the rescue at this point and time, I then plopped her down below the towering concrete steps into a voluptuous array of flowering plants. That was it, my job was done. I was a hero 🤔

Within 24 hours this is who showed up right back on the front step. Now how the heck did she get back up there. That had to be quite the trek for her short stubby little legs.

My goodness, what resilience and determination in one scruffy little caterpillar.

So after several minutes of deep and at times heated consultations “we” finally agreed on a compromise. She could stay on the concrete steps but she had to accept some form of leafy camouflage – which involved a much juicier hibiscus leaf.

Sitting peacefully on my front porch with my new found friend, I figured out why the little bugger wasn’t fearful of being gobbled up at all with the help of Mr. Google. It seems the birdies and other critters in the neighborhood were well aware that my bright little yellow needle sticking out caterpillar was no other than a poisonous (only mildly I think 🤔) Acronicta Americana – American Dagger Moth.

Yup. Jokes on me 🦋 I do not think that Cati P was scared at all. (I had to give her a stage name for her international online debut)

Cati P’s internet debut

And now she is officially verified and there’s even talk of getting her an agent. 🤔

But it’s like I said…it’s the little things that can make your day. You just have to keep your eyes and your heart open.


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blogger and writer, judith mallard

And Death Will Lose.

Category:Bereavement,Creative Writing,Death and Dying,Inspiration,Motivation,Poetry,Writing Tags : 

Death and Dying, Bereavement, Loss, Hope

Life. Death.

I wrestle with this. A lot these days.
Especially the death part.
And not out of any morbid

curiosity.

I try not to think of what if,

what if it has all been in vain?
I want Him, It or Someone to tell me,
tell me it’s going to be ok.
He hasn’t done that yet,

or has He?

Then one day, you get a call.

She fought a brave battle.
Your heart sinks.
The pain. The confusion.
This fear that you feel inside.
You can’t see it. You can’t touch it.
At times you can’t even describe it.
But you know it’s there.

You stumble around in the dark,
this maze of broken glass.
Every turn, every step

more painful, than the last.

We try to help each other.
Whispered collections
of jumbled thoughts,

meaningless words.

I think, I hope. I pray.
Maybe I can wear it down,
this albatross of affliction,

this spectre of death.

Its mere mention makes my skin crawl.

The confusion, the fear,
as we stand on this precipice,
of death and dying.

Would I change it?

And then I look at her.
Knowing what I know, would
I take it back. When I press pause,
rewind – or even delete?

just wipe it all out.

Take away the memories,
her memories, her love,
my pain?

No, I wouldn’t, I couldn’t.
She is the air that I breathe,
she is the beating of my heart

she is the light in my life.

And therein lies the secret
of who will win this race

of David and Goliath

the fear we fight in spite.

If you can choose love,
every single time,
even when you’re hurting,

then death will always lose.

© 2019 Judith Mallard



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My Beautiful St. Kitts

Category:Caribbean,Island Paradise,Travel Tags : 

She is beautiful, this tropical island of paradise. St. Kitts and Nevis, proudly sitting between the all encompassing Atlantic Ocean and the never ending Caribbean Sea. 

For me, the beauty of this tropical oasis is not just in the lushness of her rich landscapes. The true beauty of St. Kitts, is in her people. It is the people who define this island gem and paradise of sun and sand. The ones that smile when they see you and instantly wrap you in their warm embrace. Never forgetting your many previous trips and always welcoming the newbies on the block.

Awesome Marriott Resort Team and Customer Service

ISLAND GIRL, CAROL HANLEY, IFBB PRO ATHLETE

They graciously accept and most definitely deserve your respect and they will give it back to you in abundance. You are a guest on their Island. Never lose sight of that. This is their home and not just a tourist getaway. You will see that pride and passion if you truly look, with both your heart and your eyes.  Try to understand this and give out what you yourself hope to receive.

st. kitts and nevis caribbean island getaway

THE CAPTIVATING BEAUTY OF ST. KITTS AND NEVIS

She is still discovering her purpose, this beautiful little paradise, both the island itself and those who call her home. Times have changed and everyone is learning. And that’s ok. For life is truly about the journey, or at least it should be, each and every precious moment. So be patient with her too. 

Walk gleefully upon her earthen beauty, breathe deeply her cleansing air and know without a doubt that whenever you gaze out upon her majestic hills and mesmerizing ocean views, you will never feel more alive, or more grounded.

This is my St. Kitts.

 © 2017 Judith Mallard

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ALS, illness

Dear ALS, I hate you!

Category:ALS,Bereavement,Death and Dying,Lifestyle,Writing Tags : 

Dear ALS…
blogger and writer, judith mallard

Several years ago – I remember sitting with a good friend and mentor as he shared with me his own personal wisdom of the many do’s and don’ts that exists within the business world. I was just about to launch my own Recruitment Agency and I figured I could use all the help I could get.

I knew if I ever need help with anything at all – I could go to him – he would know the answer. He always knew the answer. And he was never too busy for me. He just wanted to see me succeed and that’s just the way he was.

One day in particular stands out more vividly than others. We were sipping our Tim Horton’s coffee in downtown Toronto, right at the corner of John and King, my friend was telling me about an upcoming surgery he was going to have.

The doctors think I have carpal tunnel syndrome,” he said “they figure it should help.” I remember taking his hand in mine and running my fingers along the smoothness of his skin – I told him he had baby soft skin and we both started laughing.

I could see how the muscles on his hand seemed to cave in, “that doesn’t look like any carpal tunnel I’ve read about,” I mentioned to him. We both shrugged. Maybe because we didn’t want it to be anything else. Isn’t ignorance supposed to be bliss?

Needless to say it wasn’t carpal tunnel syndrome.

“ALS (Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis) is a rapidly progressive, neuromuscular disease. It attacks the motor neurons that transmit electrical impulses from the brain to the voluntary muscles in the body. When they fail to receive messages, the muscles lose strength, atrophy and die. ALS can strike anyone at any time, regardless of age, gender, or ethnic origin. It does not affect the senses, and only rarely does it affect the mind. The average life expectancy after diagnosis is 3 to 5 years. (Excerpt from © ALS SOCIETY OF BRITISH COLUMBIA)”

Why is it for such an intelligent species, we tend to put on blinders when it comes to illnesses and dying. Why do we believe that we have all the time in the world to do whatever it is we desire. And more importantly, why are we so afraid to even talk about it. But therein is the reason, isn’t it. We are afraid. And if we don’t talk about it – it won’t be real. How’s that for naiveté.

And while we all will vehemently state “everyone has to die one day”, it is with reckless abandonment – that we try to distance ourselves from actually feeling this and the weight that often comes with it. In some childlike way, we rationalize that even though we are aware of it – it just happens to everyone else around us.

Then one day it happens. The “around us” gets closer. And we’re shaken to our core. We get scared, we get angry and sometimes we even hate.

We feel insulted when we have to go about our regular day as if everything is the same or dare I say it, normal. We want to scream and yell at the injustices – something to mark the occasion – something that brings attention to the fact that, “this isn’t just another day.

We get up the next morning; go about reviewing our same daily tasks, perhaps in between booking doctor’s visits and some other mundane appointments. Most within our circles or network of connections are none the wiser. Because you see – it is just another day. And life does not stop when you are handed a death notice. In fact – in my opinion, you are never more alive, or aware of it.

I’ll be very honest, it was hard to see my friend. I was often at a loss. I didn’t have any magic words – I didn’t have anything that could make it better. And that made me so very angry and very scared.

We chatted, as best as we could – he would get frustrated sometimes – but dear god who wouldn’t, with the battle he had before him. I couldn’t always make out what he was trying to say, which also frustrated me, because I didn’t want him to get frustrated – but between the two of us, we did the best we could With each passing week – it was harder, and I was often unsure what to do. I wanted to fix it – and I knew I couldn’t. You just feel so damn helpless.

At times, I just wanted to rip this evil thing out of him. And that is the only way I can describe it. I wanted to take away his fear when he would tell me how afraid he is, especially when he knew what his future was going to be like. I listened to him when he would tell me how much he worried about his wife and how he was so amazed at how much she actually does. He was aware of this, every single day. I smile when I think of that. She’s such a tiny lass. Yet her strength in facing such devastating adversity was simply beautiful and inspiring and so filled with love. At times it did knock her down, and even though it was not easy to get back up, she always did.

And still our daily lives go on. Emails are answered, messages are texted and appointments are confirmed.

One thing that initially caused me a wee bit of confusion with my friend, was how persistent he was in wanting to make sure his business kept moving smoothly. I’ve had to wrestle with that one, and still do at times. My instinctive reaction was, “what the hell, forget about it, how can that be important now.” But for so many of us, it is. I know his motivation was also based on watching his wife. He had to look after her, he still saw that as his responsibility – I saw that in everything he pushed himself to do. And that’s just the way it is. Life goes on – for everyone. No meanness meant or cold heartedness. Regardless of what a doctor may tell us – there are still things that have to be done. And we have families that we will worry about until the day we take our last breath. That is who we are and that is life.

There were times when I thought there was such cruelness afoot, some bad cosmic influence. How can one be expected to go about their day when given such horrible news? But people are doing this every single day. They get up each morning – put one foot in front of the other – when possible, and they face their day. Because they know what the alternative is, and they choose to live first and foremost, as painful and as difficult as that can be. To me they are true heroes, they are the magical markers in our lives.

And the first thing that we should do, is applaud them – recognize them – and help whenever we can. And never, ever, dismiss the obvious elephant in the room. Some things cannot be hidden, nor should be.

I didn’t know how to tell my friend how much I hated his ALS and how it made me angry. It confused me in ways that I can’t really explain, even to myself. So I would tell him how much I love him – I would make him laugh, he would make me cry – and we would also make each other strong. I never say, it’s not fair. I understand – it just is. Once you realize this, it’s then that you can try to make a difference, no matter how big or how small. You help out, you listen and you try not to get caught up in thinking that you have to fix something that can’t be fixed.

I don’t see my work day like I use to. I don’t see any day like I use to. Is it my maturing age, or is it in the fact that too often I see my friends and family just not being there anymore. What we do each day, work or otherwise, is supposed to be a choice and not a chore. We can find joy and choose joy. Even amidst the pain, the trauma and the not so fun parts. It’s also a day where we should never forget to reach out and let others know they are being thought of. I try not to take anything for granted. I cannot reiterate enough, that life is so short, but you can do a lot with the one you have, you truly can. Just open your eyes.

“Understand your WORTH. Value your LIFE. Appreciate your BLESSINGS. Be GRATEFUL.”

As much as there is sadness afoot, there is also an abundance of love and joy around us. You have to believe this. No job placement or new business will ever replace that. And it is with that humility and gratitude that everything else just falls into place, and begins to make sense.

If I could wish anything for anyone – it would be to find that balance.

I sincerely believe we all do have a purpose and that we all can make a difference, no matter how big or how small. It is up to each and every one of us to choose to make that difference.

For myself, I find that I am no longer searching for those definitive answers to “why this or why that happens.” As corny as it may sound….”it just is.” I’m actually astonished that I find peace in such three simple words.

I remember an interesting passage I once read in a book, called Laws of Attraction, it makes more sense to me now.

” If contrast were to cease, so would expansion. We need expansion for eternity. Without it there wouldn’t be more. There wouldn’t be us.”

And I am so thankful for “us,” in whatever shape or form.

Even when I am angry and even when I hate.

© 2018 Judith Mallard


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Masking your pain

Masquerade

Category:Creative Writing,Poems,Poetry,Writing Tags : 

Masquerade

I heard you call my name today,

in the whisper of a morning breezMasking your paine

I felt your touch upon my skin,

such a gentle sweet caress.

 

But then the darkness came,

in all its’ thundering fury

Scoffing at my weakness roaring,

Love is not for one like you.

 

So I hung my head in shame,

And I trembled in its’ wake

Tears slid down my face,

No heart was left to break.

 

© 2019 Judith Mallard


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