And Death Will Lose
I wrestle with this. A lot these days.
Especially the death part.
And not out of any morbid curiosity.
I try not to think of what if,
What if this has all been in vain.
I want God himself to tell me,
everything is going to be ok.
But he hasn’t done that yet,
or has he?
Then suddenly one day, you get a call.
She fought a brave battle.
He lived a life well.
But then they’re gone.
They’re just gone.
The pain. The confusion.
This fear that you feel inside.
You can’t see it. You can’t touch it.
At times you can’t even describe it.
But you know it’s there.
Your breath comes in choking gasps,
your heart beats madly in your chest.
You stumble around in the dark, a maze of broken glass.
Every turn, every step more painful than the last.
Nothing makes sense anymore.
We try to help each other.
Whispered collections of jumbled thoughts,
We’re all seeking understanding, purpose and more importantly hope.
But when we stand on that precipice of pain, of death and dying,
we’re lost – I’m lost.
I don’t have all the answers. Maybe my heart can help.
If it is strong enough to bring me to my knees,
to make me mourn in ways I had thought unimaginable,
then it must be strong enough to help me understand.
Because that is what hurts us the most, we just don’t understand.
And when we don’t understand – we get scared.
We get so scared.
I for one refuse to believe that this pulsating mass,
this beating hearts only purpose, is to cause us pain.
So let’s just stop for a moment and look around.
Really look around.
Can we say with absolute conviction, with total sincerity
that our hearts have only shown us pain?
Do we toss it aside and all that it is capable of,
because we are hurting.
Has it not also shown us… love?
Where would you be, without that love.
Or even the memory of it?
Listen to your heart, yes, but don’t let it reign supreme.
That’s way too much burden to put on it.
It wasn’t created to carry the load alone,
to become the matriarch of your existence.
Because you are more than your heart.
And you are more than your mind.
But when we allow both to exist,
in harmony and with love,
that is when we discover who we truly are,
and all that we are capable of thinking, feeling and doing,
in this precious existence we call life.
You can learn to embrace love even with all its’ foibles,
let downs and losses, chaos and pain.
For it truly is – “better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”
So, find you.
Even when you’re hurting.
And death will lose.
© 2018 Judith Mallard